Grim Hearts: Disney Excused
by Nick.Norma
Summary: When the home of 14yearold Sora is destroyed he is transported to another world where he joins with an inept wizard and a crude knight to find his friends and defeat the evil heartless. Their journey will be long, dangerous and possibly suicidal.
1. A Chase for no Reason

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.

Another day dawned on Destiny islands but only just.

Sora a young boy of fourteen woke up and pried his crusty eyes open with some effort,

'I've gone blind!' he cried, and then he pulled the covers off his face,' oh he grinned sheepishly. He rolled over and out of his bed dragging half of it with him onto the floor,

'Oof!' he landed with a thud, and then untangling himself from his sheets he shook his head groggily. Around the islands boys his age would be waking up the same way1 and having the same thoughts of food, showers and more food- and sex of course, can't forget that.

His clumsy hand found his buzzing alarm clock and slammed down on the buttons silencing it half way through its glorious tune that seemed to echo in every adolescent's nightmares. Sora stood up and stretched his arms up and over his shoulders yawning dramatically although he wasn't sure why. He stumbled across the mine field which was his room, avoiding his school books and the occasional mouldy sand wedge that had strayed from its resting place under the bed. He landed with a thud against his closet door and pulled himself up. Sora opened it and selected a pair of jeans which he pulled on over his boxers without too much of a struggle. He sprayed on some deodorant and slapped on a t-shirt before heading downstairs into the kitchen for breakfast,

'Morning sweetheart' Sora's mother smiled as he walked past her sitting at the dining table to get to the cereal box on the bench,

'Ughh' Sora grunted a reply and poured himself a bowl of the sugary snacks that where sure to rot his teeth. He dumped himself down in a chair across from his mother and started to munch away on his breakfast,

'How did you sleep?' she asked,

'Good' Sora replied hardly even looking up,

'Oh that's nice dear' she smiled at him and he managed one back. She looked down at the local newspaper sitting on the table and smiled,

'Ooo, Kairi's got herself in the News again' she pointed at the front page.

Sora perked up at the mention of the girl that had inhabited his dreams the night before,

'Let's see?' he asked, turning the page around he read the headline:

LOCAL DOG GOES MISSING, MYSTERIOUS GIRL BLAMED

'You do know what this says don't you mum?' Sora asked raising an eyebrow,

'Yes, dear' she replied and tapped the article,' it all comes out okay though'

Sora looked back down and read the article:

LOCAL DOG GOES MISSING MYSTERIOUS GIRL BLAMED

Yesterday afternoon, Toto a energetic Jack russell disappeared from its island

Home on the south island, and as per usual the mysterious girl known as Kairi who arrived on our islands almost eight years ago has been blamed for the disappearance. It seems that Kairi being a little different to our other island neighbours means that she is a constant object of suspicion when something goes wrong. Most locals believe she has kidnapped poor Toto but not this reporter.

Sora looked up,

'See it turned out okay' Sora's mum said,' the reporter thinks she's innocent'

Sora ran his hand through his frizzy brown mop of hair in mild frustration,

'I've gotta get to school' he said and left the table.

'Hey Sora!' A silver haired boy called out from across the school yard. Sora turned and spied his best friend Riku running up the corridor to catch him,

'There you are!' Riku said as he stood panting at Sora's side,' I've been looking for you for ten minutes. Yu were supposed to meet me outside the gym when lunch started'

'Oh Sorry, I guess I forgot- I'm a tad blonde today'

'Well, I guess I can forgive you…. If you give me a duel after school today!'

'Aww Riku! You know your gunna win! Why bother?' Sora asked the older boy, who was obviously stronger than he,

'That's why I bother!' Riku laughed,' you're the only one on the islands that still puts up a good fight'

'But…'

'You're not chicken are you?'

'What? No!'

* * *

Rincewind, an inept Wizard sat glumly on a bench in the royal gardens with his head in his hands. He would have fed the birds fluttering around on the turf in front of them, but knowing his luck they would probably want to feed on him. Rincewind was really a sad sight to look at, he was incredibly scrawny and wore a reddish Sorcerer's robe. He had scruffy orange hair and an even scruffier Orange beard- well it was more just stubble, and as the final insult to his character, he had a droopy pointed hat with the word WIZZARD stitched in yellow cloth clumsily on its front. Rincewind had just recently been kicked out of the wizard laboratory in the castle again for blowing it up. It wasn't his fault those two chemicals had had an unstable reaction when combined! The failing Magician gave a huff of misery. It was see demeaning for a wizard of the king to not know how to perform even the simplest spells without having them explode in his face! He tried! He really did try but nothing seemed to work, and it was a damn nuisance. 

Suddenly Rincewind's nose caught whiff of a familiar unappealing smell wafting into the garden,

'Oh no!' he whispered and stood up to escape.

Immediately the pidgeons around him turned on him. With narrow eyes they started squawking, pecking and crapping all over the man. The smell got stronger and a couple of the birds dropped dead. Rincewind hurriedly cut a path through the birds and headed for the garden maze entrance. He scampered down the bushy hallway and made his escape.

About a minute later a short, man with the ugliest mug ever to be seen arrived. He was wearing the uniform of the palace guard and his name was Nobby, Nobs for short,

'Hmmm…' he muttered through a mouth of tobacco,' I wonder where that bluddy wizzard2 has gone?'

* * *

Sora gritted his teeth as he stumbled back across the sandy beach, wooden sword in hand, 

'Come on Sora! Giving up already?' Riku laughed striding confidently towards the boy. He too had a short sword made from nailing two planks together,

'Not even!' Sora growled and launched himself into another attack. He swung the weapon down on Riku who blocked and the two boys became locked in a furious battle of strength. Sora trying to slam the blade into his opponent, and Riku trying to throw his friend off,

'Sora you tit…. Get off!' Riku hissed and with all his might pushed the younger boy back, so he rolled backwards across the dunes. Sora found himself with a mouthful of sand. He turned over, spitting the grains of small rock out and found he was face to face with the point of Riku's blade,

'I win' Riku chuckled triumphantly.

Sora frowned and jumped up defiantly,

'Calm down it was just a game!' Riku grinned. Sora growled and launched himself in a tackle at his friend. Riku dodged it easily and Sora was sent sprawling to the ground,

'Come on you arse! Let's go see Kairi'

Kairi sat in her hammock outside her adopted families house when the two boys came tearing around the corner obviously racing one another towards her spot,

'Boys' she muttered, placing her book down,' always competing'

'Hey Kai!' Sora exclaimed as he skidded to a halt in front of the girl,' sorry about that article'

Riku arrived on the scene seconds later claiming he was too worn out from the duel to win the race, Kairi gave him an "as if" look,

'What?' Riku asked trying to regain his breath,

'So Kairi- what do you think happened to that Dog in the paper' Sora asked casually,

'I dunno' Kairi replied,' probably drowned or something'

'What book are you reading?' Riku asked leaning over and picking up the book,

'…Feet of Clay… any good?'

'It's alright'

Riku put the book down and looked at his watch,

'Well it's getting late, you guys still up for tomorrow?'

'What's tomorrow?' Sora asked scratching his head,

'It's Saturday you dolt! We finish construction on the raft tomorrow'

'Oh that's right' he grinned.

The three of them had been working on this plan for an entire year now and finally it was going to be put to use. Sora remembered the conversation they had that had sparked the idea for their project. As usual the teens had been pondering the whereabouts of Kairi's origins, when an interesting thought had popped into their heads- what if Kairi had come from one of the "legendary otherworlds" that according to myth existed across the vast sea surrounding their islands. The three had decided with confidence that Kairi must be from one of those worlds. So they began the building of a raft which they hoped would allow them to find Kairi's home, and after months of hard labour…

'So are you coming or not?' Riku's voice interrupted Sora's memories,

'Well, I'll be there' Kairi smiled,

'Yeh of course!'

'Good. Latas bro'

'Latas Riku'

Riku walked off in the direction of the rapidly setting sun,

'Well, I better get going as well' Sora muttered looking at the girl,

'Okay Sora, well I'll see you tomorrow then?'

'Yeh, latas Kai' he said and left.

* * *

In the garden mazes of the Patrician's palace a furious and confusing chase was in place3

Rincewind was on the run again from the despising little man as he had accidentally let his nerves take over and had fallen through one of the maze walls, alerting Nobby of the Magician's presence.

He could hear him now- the man's clinking armour, the soft pattering of his feet and the sickening sniffling of his bulbous pimply nose.

Rincewind turned a corner and found himself only a few metres in front of Corporal Nobbs, the knight however was busy picking at his nose and only saw the wizard as he turned around the corner and flattened himself against the wall hoping not to be discovered,

'Oi!' Nobby shouted rudely,' You! Wizzard! Come 'ere'

Rincewind let out a disappointed breath- he had been spotted. As Nobby neared Rincewind for a brief moment, wondered why he was actually running from the man, but he quickly dismissed the absurd thought and dived behind a large water fountain to his left, and hid.

Nobby entered the area, trying to sneak but without much success,

'Wizzard…' he called,' …come out, come out wherever you are!'

'No!' came a stuttering high pitched voice from behind the fountain. Nobby grinned and Rincewind bit his lip in annoyance,

"Dammit!" he thought.

1 Except for one, who like Sora tumbled out of bed. He accidentally had a fatal run in with snowball the household cat and all-round grump. The poor boy suffered physical and emotional scars for the rest of his life.

A/N: He landed on the cat for those people who are a little slow.

2 Notice he says Wizard they way Rincewind spells it, hmm…

3 Confusing because the maze like the rest of the palace was designed by the architect Bloody Stupid Johnson. Just from examining the palace structure- the highlight of Johnson's career, one can see where his nickname came from. A lot of controversy surrounded Bloody stupid, but the fact of the matter was this- he was either the disc's greatest sabotager or the disc's worst designer.


	2. I Volunteer!

The throne room doors burst open and Rincewind boldly marched in,

'Your Majesty! I would like to volunteer myself to whatever nasty adventure is in store for Corporal Nobbs and myself.' He declared, then seeing that the King's throne was occupied by the Patrician- someone extremely un-kingly whimpered, '…oh…hello. Where's the king?'

'That's what I been tryn' to tell you Wizzard!' Nobby roared and followed him into the room, 'King Carrot is missing! M I S E N G!' he spelt the word so incorrectly that even he felt like something he had said was wrong- and that was not often,

'Good day Rincewind, Nobby.' The Patrician smiled with all the pleasing cheer of a polar bear in the desert,

'Not really, your birds shat on me again today, Mr Vetinari sir.'

'Please, call me Havelock.' Lord Vetinari asked him but Rincewind knew he definitely would not,

'Anyway- you were saying Rincewind?'

'Well, I was going to volunteer myself for the mission… but you're here so that means it will be dangerous… possibly involving the Dungeon Dimensions…'

'Why would you volunteer yourself anyway Rincewind? You don't seem to me like the charity type.'

Rincewind rolled his eyes as if he had explained his reasoning many times before,

'This is how I work when confronted with danger. First- I run. Second- I Hide in a cargo crate. Then as my luck would have it I will be loaded onto the ship or whatever the mode of transport is and end up on an annoying adventure anyway. So I says to myself, Why not skip the lot and simply volunteer like a brave warrior?'

No one spoke for a moment- then,

'Your Robes are wet Rincewind.' Lord Vetinari observed. Rincewind looked down at a wet patch on his crutch,

'Yes I know,' he said, 'I pissed them. Can't win every battle you know.'

'Fascinating.'

Nobby who had been unusually quite up until now made it his business to torment Rincewind,

'Haha, ya daft bugger! Pissing your pants! Honestly!'

Then, defying all of the intelligence in the world he moved his face extremely close to the patrician, so his huge pimply nose almost touched and whispered hoarsely,

'Oi! Havelock, the Wizzard Pissed his pants! Funny shit huh?'

Vetinari glared at the annoying man who ignored him completely,

'You sir,' he said fiercely, 'are a bumbling fool.'

'My motha' says I'm special- she cuts my meat for me!' Nobby's largest nose pimple exploded and a glob of pus, speckled with blood splattered over the Patrician's left cheek, Rincewind visibly ducked for cover,

'Quite so.' Vetinari replied and wiped his face clean,

'Now, under any other circumstances I would have had you thrown into the scorpion pit, but since I am no longer ruler of this land- and the… king' he spat the word king out with deep resentment, 'is missing, I have decided to send you two buffoons who have a bigger chance of causing the king's death than old age to carry out the mission he has left for you.'

'…The king's missing?' Rincewind asked from his hiding place under the throne,

'Yes Rincewind. He disappeared last night- left this letter- apparently the worlds are dying and he's gone to find out why. He wants you two to go to Ankh-Morpork and find something called the Key, before joining up with his highness. Do you except?'

'No.' Rincewind answered immediately. The Patrician took a deep breath and tried again, 'The way I see it you have to choices- death by Scorpion pit or Death by doing the Mission. What do you choose?'

'Um… Can I think about it?' Rincewind asked,

'What was choice A?' Nobby questioned,

'LOOK! You're going to Ankh-morpork and that's final- You're no use to me in the palace so I'm sending you.'

Rincewind climbed out from underneath the throne. Nobby looked defeated,

'You sure we can't take the Scorpions?' Rincewind asked one last time,

'OUT!'


End file.
